By: John Thurman
The holidays can strain even strong marriages. Here are four practical ways to protect your marriage and stay connected during the busiest season of the year. Remember, it’s essential to protect your marriage during this time.
Now, every year I’ve made it my mission to string those bulbs around the house like I’m auditioning for a role in ‘Home Alone.’ So you can imagine my surprise when I went searching for that familiar box of Christmas bulbs, only to have Angie—my first wife and current voice of reason—gently remind me we’d agreed last year not to put them up anymore. Apparently, she’s never been very fond of the lights.
Why am I telling you this? Because holidays can be sneaky. On the surface: merry and bright. Beneath that: stress, expectations, exhaustion—and sometimes an unspoken grudge about twinkle lights you never even knew existed. Recognizing these feelings can help you and your partner approach the season with more compassion and less pressure.
Taking time to protect your marriage ensures a stronger bond even amidst holiday chaos.
4 Ways to Protect Your Marriage During the Holiday Rush
1. Turn toward each other.
Let’s be honest—this season has a sneaky way of turning us toward malls, screens, and endless to-do lists instead of toward each other. It’s as if busyness is the new holiday tradition! But what if we made a quiet, almost rebellious commitment: to carve out just a few minutes each day to connect—just the two of you? No phones (unless you’re ordering pizza together), no kids bouncing off the walls, no laptops glowing in the corner. No multitasking allowed.
Now hear me out—it doesn’t have to be some big, dramatic ‘date night with reservations and jazz.’ Sometimes, it’s ten minutes on the couch before bed, sharing a laugh or holding hands. Maybe it’s coffee together before the house wakes up or a short walk around the block after dinner. Starting with small, manageable moments can help you build a habit of turning toward each other, even during busy times.
Remember: tiny moments, repeated often, beat one ‘perfect’ moment every time. God designed us for relationship—not perfection—and these small acts are like little prayers that stitch your hearts closer together. So go ahead and turn towards each other today; after all, that unread email can wait—but loving well can’t. This approach encourages hope and reassurance that meaningful connection is within reach every day.
Every moment spent together is a step toward protecting your marriage.
2. Share the load.
Working together not only shares the load but also helps protect your marriage.
Let’s be honest—the holidays can turn into a full-contact sport: shopping, cooking, traveling, hosting, wrapping, cleaning, more wrapping (because apparently gifts multiply overnight), and then cleaning again because tape somehow multiplies too. And let’s not forget the “Where did all these pine needles come from?” mystery. If you’re anything like us, you know this is not a one-person job.
Here’s the thing: as husband and wife—partners in life and faith—you’re supposed to be on the same team. This isn’t some covert competition for the ‘Most Tired’ trophy (spoiler alert: nobody actually wants that award). Instead of silently tallying up who did what or quietly resenting that you’re doing it all yourself (been there!), It’s vital to share responsibilities openly. This builds trust and makes you both feel supported and understood.
God didn’t design marriage as a solo act. Galatians 6:2 reminds us to “carry each other’s burdens,” so why do we try to white-knuckle our way through December? Sit down together—preferably with coffee or cocoa—and make a realistic list. Divide and conquer based on your strengths (maybe he wraps while you bake—or vice versa!). Be direct about what feels overwhelming, and encourage one another with grace when things don’t go as planned.
Remember: sharing the load isn’t just practical—it builds intimacy and trust. Plus, when both of you pitch in, there might even be enough energy left over for something radical…like enjoying each other at the end of another long holiday day. And if all else fails? Jesus loves store-bought cookies, too!
Always remember that protecting your marriage requires both partners to engage.
3. Encourage each other.
Intentional encouragement is vital to protect your marriage during challenging times.
This past weekend, we watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, and I was reminded how incredibly encouraging Fred Rogers was. Now, I’m not asking you to put on a cardigan and start singing to the mailman—but a little more intentional encouragement can go a very long way.
Encouragement is a powerful tool for protecting your marriage and fostering intimacy.
To encourage literally means to give courage, hope, and confidence. Small words of affirmation can uplift your partner’s spirit and strengthen your emotional bond, especially during busy or stressful times.
After 53 years of marriage (to the same woman, I might add), and a career as a therapist, here’s what I’ve learned about us:
• Men generally need three things:
• To feel needed, to feel competent, and to feel respected.
• Women generally need three things:
• To feel valued, to feel cherished, and to feel secure.
If you keep these needs in mind, encouragement gets a lot simpler:
• “I really appreciate how you handled that.”
• “I feel so safe when I’m with you.”
• “You’re really good at this.”
• “I’m so glad I get to do life with you.”
Short, sincere words. No long speeches required. Just a steady trickle of, “I see you. I’m grateful for you. You matter to me.”
When you do that, you’re not just surviving the season—you’re strengthening the relationship underneath it.
These small affirmations are essential to protect your marriage in daily life.
4. Build in margin (and protect your peace).
Building margin in your schedule helps protect your marriage from unnecessary strain.
Here’s an underrated holiday skill: saying ‘no, thank you’ without writing a three-paragraph apology. I know—easier said than done, right? Especially when everyone seems to expect you and your spouse to attend every party, bake for every event, host every gathering, and handcraft everything from scratch.
By prioritizing what matters, you can protect your marriage and create joyful moments.
This year, try deciding together what really matters. Which traditions genuinely bring joy? Which ones have you been dragging yourselves through just because ‘we’ve always done it’—while secretly dreading them? And how much time and energy do you actually have in this season of life?
Moving Forward
Deciding together helps protect your marriage and ensures you both feel valued.
This year, try deciding together what truly matters. Which traditions genuinely bring joy? Which ones have you been forcing yourselves through just because ‘we’ve always done it’—while secretly dreading them? And how much time and energy do you actually have in this season of life?
God calls us not just to love our neighbors but also each other—and sometimes that means carving out margin so we can breathe and laugh together in the midst of the holiday hustle. So go ahead and say “no” when needed; Jesus never asked us to run ourselves ragged for Christmas cheer!
Taking time to breathe together is essential to protect your marriage during the holidays.
Wrap Up and Review
If you remember these four things—
1. Turn toward each other,
2. Share the load,
3. Encourage each other, and
4. Build in margin and protect your peace—you’ll find that much of the season’s stress starts to loosen its grip.
If you remember these four things—ways to protect your marriage—you’ll find that much of the season’s stress starts to loosen its grip.
Recent Comments