Want to have a happier wife?
One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.
Do you know the 6 needs of a happy wife?
As a man, I had no idea how ignorant I was when I first got married! Mom and dad were great examples, but about three weeks after Angie and I were married, I felt like a complete idiot. While we have experienced all the seasons of life together, some with grace and others as a “hot mess,” we have never quit. We have been in and out of counseling, read books, and attended more than a few seminars and retreats. And we had the advantage of seeing both sets of our parents walk through great and tragic times yet hang in there together.
As you read,Do you Know the 6 Needs of a Happy Wife, you will be able to discover some nuggets of truth that will help you develop a more resilient marriage.
Here is a secret about most wedding days.
When the day arrives, you are standing in front of a crowd of family, friends, and a minister. Then that magic moment occurs. Your bride, the love of your life, appears at the back of the church or venue. You are filled with a sense of awe and wonder as your bride approaches the altar, and before you know it, the ceremony is in full swing. You exchange vows, kiss, greet your guests at the reception, and off on a new journey we go.
Well, that is true for the most part. While he will have a blast at the reception, he is looking forward to the festivities ending and getting naked.
I know some of you are going “Eew!” But alas, it is true.
On the other hand, women see things in a completely different way. When she faces you on your wedding day, she sees the man of her dreams, her hero, the man she has given her heart to. Now, here is the difference. When she sees him standing there looking so sharp and handsome, somewhere deep in the recesses of her mind, she is thinking, he is my man, my mate, but I’ve got my work cut out for me as I shape him into my image of what I think he should be.
The question is: Are you ready to do your part to make it happen? I have chosen to use a style that is more like a job description, because, as men we tend to do better with lists.
Relationships are tough because we think we are normal and everyone else is weird or “disordered.”
This attitude shows up in many male/female relationships. Suddenly your prize has become a surprise.
When it comes down to it, I believe women are more complex in many ways than men. Research shows a notable difference in left and right brain connectivity in men and women.[i] For instance, think about your personal care items when you travel. I pack a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, floss, and cologne as a guy. I do not require hair products because mine has gone.
On the other hand, my wife has all that, plus hair care products, lotions, facial treatments, not to mention shoes. She says it’s because when men travel, we tend to think about the context of being functional while women tend to think about being fashionable.
Let’s begin this two-part series by giving you and overview of a job description that will help you love and appreciate the uniqueness of your wife and how you can demonstrate you love, loyalty, and admiration. Part of developing a job description is known the basic need of your wife.
Do you know the 6 needs of a happy wife? Let’s jump in.
These are adapted from from Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn’s book For Men Only
1. Women need love.
Even if your relationship is great, she likely has fundamental insecurity about your love. When insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you until she feels reassured. You can never over-communicate your love and admiration for your bride.
2. Women are emotional.
Women deal with multiple thoughts and emotions from their past and present all the time, at the same time—and these can’t be easily dismissed. But, at the same time, men can’t do this for the most part.[ii] (Take a minute to read this article)
3. Women want security.
Your woman needs emotional security and closeness with you so much she will endure financial insecurity to receive it. So here is a quick question for you, are you doing your dead level best to help her feel emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially secure? If you are, outstanding! If not, get some help.
4. She doesn’t want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen.
When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and desire to be heard are as much or more important than the issue itself. Here is a tip: If she says, “We need to talk,” rather than becoming defensive, just ask, “Do you want me to help problem solve or just listen?” If she answers, “Listen,” then just listen. When she is done, try to summarize what you heard and how you think she might be feeling.
5. “She doesn’t want much sex” does not mean “She must not want me.”
Physically, women tend to crave sex less often than men do—and it is usually not related to your desirability. It is often related to their own hormones. Guys, remember there is much more to sex than intercourse. As you work through the 21 Ways and take the challenge to grow your understanding of how your wife operates, you may find she is more open to intimacy.
6. She wants to look attractive.
Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who profoundly needs to know you find her beautiful and only have eyes for her. In today’s extremely sensual culture, it is imperative that you have eyes for your wife.
I hope that you found this helpful.
I’d love to hear you thoughts and comments.
Also be sure to check out my podcast, JohnThurman’s Resilient Solutions Shortcast.
You might want to check out 12 Ways to Invest in Your Marriage