Revitalize Your Marriage
Thanks for continuing as we learn to Revitalize Your Marriage. Today, we will dive into Part Two of this three-part series and attempt to remove the mystery of these myths that can sometimes trip up even the most solid relationships. We can laugh along the way and learn a lot.
Let’s tackle some assumptions that are as misleading as thinking a church-sponsored couple’s retreat will fix everything over a single candle-lit dinner. First, we’ll confront the notion that a significant relationship hinges on sharing every interest under the sun because your partner’s obsession with all things Reddit doesn’t mean you have to throw out your love for hiking. Then, we will look at the misconception that a peaceful relationship is the ultimate goal because sometimes a good debate can spice things up! Finally, we’ll look closer at the belief that a significant relationship is a safe place to unleash every intense feeling, even some unflattering meltdowns. So, let’s debunk three more of those myths so we can continue to revitalize your marriage.
Myth #4: A Great Relationship Needs Shared Interest
First off, having common interests can be fantastic for a relationship. (Psychology Today reports that 64% of couples do.) You and your spouse love gardening, binge-watching crime shows, or playing tennis. That’s awesome! More power to you!Myth
But here’s the more prominent myth: if you don’t have a shared hobby, you must find one ASAP to save your relationship. Nope, not true—not true at all. Thousands of happy couples don’t share a single hobby. They enjoy each other’s company, love being together, and respect each other’s unique quirks and interests.
It’s not about what you do together but how you do it. If forcing yourselves into shared activities creates stress and tension, ditch the forced fun.
Think about it: Do you want to pretend to love knitting to make your spouse happy, or would you rather cheer them on from the couch while you enjoy your own thing? The key is respecting each other’s interests and finding joy in being great companions. So, embrace your differences and remember that shared hobbies are optional. Your unique interests make you, and they are deeply valued in your relationship.
Myth #5: A Great Relationship is a Peaceful One
Truth: Living with another person is bound to bring a mix of stress, anger, discomfort, and, yes, lots of love. Some folks think arguing means your relationship is on the rocks, but that’s not necessarily true. Arguments can be just a part of life, not inherently good or bad.
The key is to follow the Bible’s words, “And don’t sin by letting anger control you.” (Ephesians 4:26 NLT). If you have basic “rules of engagement” and argue pretty well, a little fighting can help your relationship. Arguing acts like a release valve for some couples, letting off built-up tension. It provides peace of mind for others, knowing they can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of being abandoned or humiliated.
Think about different kinds of weather: rain showers, thunderstorms, monsoons, haboobs, and even hurricanes. Some are mild, while others are damaging. I’m not saying you should look for a fight, but research shows that not all couples who argue end up breaking up. Not addressing conflicts or resorting to violence is more likely to harm a relationship.
Myth #6: A Great Relationship Lets You Vent All of Your Feelings
People tell us to “let it all out,” “tell it like it is,” and “get in touch with your inner self.” Some therapists even encourage folks to yell, scream, and release all their emotions. But guess what? This approach needs to be revised. There’s no evidence that venting all your feelings is a good idea—in reality, it often does more harm than good.
Let’s be honest: we have many thoughts and feelings about our partners. Sometimes, these thoughts bubble up, and before we know it, we blurt them out. At the time, it might seem like a great idea. But later, you realized those comments shouldn’t have been said because we didn’t mean them. Think about how many times you’ve snapped at your partner about something annoying they do. Letting it out for a second felt like you finally had the upper hand. But did it help? Most likely not. It probably hurt your partner and caused some damage to your relationship, too—sometimes even lasting damage.
Remember, there’s no “undo” or “delete” button for words once they’re spoken.
So here’s the trick: give yourself some breathing room before saying something that might be disastrous. You might even have to (literally) bite your tongue! Please take a moment to think it over. This is crucial for the future of your relationship. I’m not saying you should hide the truth or be dishonest. But it would help if you were sure of how you truly feel and choose your words carefully. Remember, respectful communication is the key to feeling secure and understood in your relationship, and it’s a skill worth mastering for a healthy and happy marriage.
Next time you feel the urge to vent irritation, pause and take a deep breath. Ask yourself, “Do I need to say this right now?” If the answer is no, save it for a calmer time.
After reading part 2 of Revitalize Your Marriage, I hope you can pave the way for a stronger, more vibrant, and resilient partnership. Remember, having different interests can enrich your relationship, not weaken it, and a little healthy conflict can bring you closer together. Learn to embrace the beautiful complexities of your connection, and don’t shy away from your unique differences. Remember, we are all a little weird and quirky, which makes us unique and special in our relationships.
Action Plan:
Sit down with your spouse and laugh about some of these myths. Then, start discussing how to celebrate your individuality while nursing your sacred marriage bond. Take it further and share your thoughts on what makes your relationship unique. Then, take the initiative to revitalize your marriage by debunking one myth at a time.
If you need some help in this area, reach out to me.
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