11 Ways to Have a Happy Husband

A good husband loves his wife. A great husband makes her feel special. You make me feel whole.

Anonymous    

Ever wondered if there were any ways to tell if your husband is a happily married man?

While every relationship goes through seasons, here are some proven indicators that your man is happy in your relationship.

Years ago, I was an occasional guest on Parent Talk, a banner program with Family Life Radio with Dr. Kevin Leman. We had a young wife who called in and asked us about the differences between men and women on one show. Kevin’s answer was classic. He said something like, “Men are like a single light switch with two positions, off and on. Women, as I understand them, are more like a lighting control board in an auditorium, lots of sliders and dimmer switches.”

Shaunti Feldhahn, a bestselling author and nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author of For Women Only, shares some critical insight into men. Her book and its recent revision surveyed 400 men (age 21-75) in the U.S who described themselves as church-going heterosexuals. Here are seven revelations her research revealed. This is taken directly from her book. [1]

7 Insights about Men

Our Surface Understanding

What That Means in Practice

  1. Men need respect.

Men would instead feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. The key here is respect goes both ways.

  1. Men are insecure. 

Despite their “in control” exterior, men often feel like imposters and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.

  1. Men want more sexual intimacy.

Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.

  1. Men avoid issues by “checking out.” 

     Men address issues by first pulling away to process and think to better talk about them later. Since many men are linear processors, we sometimes need time and space to figure out our options.

  1. Men are visual. 

Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward life and recollected images of other women.

  1. Men are “unromantic clods.”

Most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic but hesitate because they doubt they will succeed. We guys could learn more about being romantic if we learned to talk with our wives.

  1. Men care about appearance. 

Let your man see you taking care of your physical health and appearance, and he might be willing to take on high costs or inconvenience to support you.

These insights are from a well-respected author and columnist. She and her husband have also written a companion book For Men Only.

11 Indicators of a Happy Husband

Here are some ways to gauge your husband’s general level of contentment and suggestions to help him experience a more meaningful life and relationship. 

  1. He knows he can be himself without being judged or criticized. Nothing can kill a relationship faster than unnecessary criticism and being talked down to. Look to encourage and build up.
  1. He smiles a lot. He feels that you notice him and appreciate all he does for you and that you do not take him for granted. He feels seen and known, not like he’s being      compared to characters on the Hallmark Channel or Virgin River.
  1. He realizes you love and accept him for who he is, but he also knows that you will lovingly confront where necessary. He knows that your love is the “real deal” and respects it because he sees it is not based on submissive compliance but on a loving choice.
  1. He likes that you care about looking attractive in your own personal way. Of course, he doesn’t expect you to look like someone you aren’t, but seeing that you care about your appearance makes him feel you value yourself and your relationship with him.
  1. He understands that you desire him because of the way that desire is expressed through physical intimacy. Mostmen want a wife who loves physical intimacy.     
  1. He likes to be at home, partially because he feels respected and admired there. There is no love outside of respect. Feeling the admiration and respect of the one you love boosts self-esteem, increases intimacy, and promotes communication and passion.
  1. He speaks highly of you. Most men do love to talk about their wives to friends, family, and coworkers.
  1. He rarely or never feels belittled, berated, or humiliated by you. While we as men like to think that we have it all together, we don’t. One of the ways you can build your man up is to edify, comfort and encourage, rather than tearing him down.
  1. He sees that you do not hold on to grudges, keep score, or consistently feel victimized by life. It helps your relationship develop flexibility and adaptability and retains the possibility of a rewarding future intact.
  1. He is faithful to the vows he made to you in both word and deed.
  1. He seeks you for comfort and consolation. When your husband chooses to share his problems with you, it is an excellent indicator that he is happy with you even when feeling discouraged and vulnerable.

Take a moment to reflect on your feelings about these 11 indicators.

Are you happy with where you are? If so, outstanding! If you need a little work, pick one or two and try them out as a pilot project with your honey.    

Building and maintaining a life together can be a daunting task. But when you and I realize that we have at least three sources of help, things tend to go better.

What are those three sources?

  1. Help from above — the Lord.
  2. Help from within — what you know to be right.
  3. Help from others — family, friends, ministry leaders, coaches, and therapists.

I hope you found this helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please feel free to leave a comment.

Also, be sure to check out my podcast, Resilient Solutions Shortcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

     If you’d like to talk about your relationship, feel free to email me at john@johnthurman.info.

Or call me on my personal, confidential line at 505-343-2011.

Blessings.

John

A Special Note

As I was working on this piece, I began to consider some additional issues regarding husbands and wives, which I will continue in the next post. Here is a summary of those thoughts, which will be “fleshed out” next week.

Men, this is aimed at you to help you realize more of what you are looking for.

          1.  Your wife needs to be treated thoughtfully and respectfully. 1 Peter 3:7

          2. There is no room for harshness or roughness in a marriage. Colossians 3:19

          3. Remember, love does not harm. Romans 13:10

          4. There is no fear in genuine love. 1 John 4:18

          5. We are to speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15

          6. In Christ, we are free, not slaves. Galatians 4:9


Would love to hear your comments and feedback!


[1]  https://shaunti.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/For-Women-Only-Survey.pdf


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