Ignite Your Passion: 10 Ways to Boost Intimacy

By: John Thurman M.DIv., M.A., LCMHC

Ever Struggle with Intimacy?

Have you ever struggled with intimacy in your marriage? Trust me, you’re not alone. I’ve been through my share of awkward moments, too. There have been times when I acted like a knuckle-dragging, selfish Neanderthal. Thank heavens for my wife, who has graciously looked past my caveman antics. After 53 years together, we spent more time in ‘learning mode’ than a toddler with a new toy. It’s okay to stumble; it’s part of the journey.

If you’re feeling adventurous, I invite you to read this post. Ignite Your Passion: 10 WAYS To Boost Intimacy is a compilation of nuggets I’ve gathered over my fifty-two years of marriage and more than seventy thousand hours of counseling. This advice is not just theoretical. It’s practical and proven. Yes, I could’ve earned a PhD in relationship advice, but the real value is in how it can transform your relationship.

Foundations of Great Intimacy

One of the golden rules for building a healthy, resilient relationship is understanding the true foundations of intimacy and communication. Spoiler alert: it’s not about flashy techniques, acrobatic positions, or who gets the last cookie—the secret lies in genuinely getting to know your partner.

With all the tales of failed marriages splashed across the headlines, it can leave you wondering, ‘Is a truly intimate relationship even achievable?! And if it is, where do I sign up?’ The answer is yes, it is achievable. Some couples go from sizzling passion to wanting to ‘fire each other’ as a mean boss does to a tired, worn-out worker, but with the right tools and mindset, you can reignite that passion.

It makes total sense that people are wary about opening their hearts. After all, witnessing a romance transform from fiery chemistry to a hellish battlefield can make anyone think twice before taking the plunge!

While everyone claims they want a deep, meaningful relationship filled with love and acceptance, few are willing to risk vulnerability or the sting of heartache again. But genuine intimacy is about seeing into your partner’s heart and mind. It’s about forging connections on multiple levels to feel close and cherished no matter what life throws you.

To build a strong relationship, both partners need to understand the basics of their bond. This action deepens their connection and passion. It highlights the difference between a culture that sees romance as just heart-eyed emojis and a more meaningful view of lifelong marriage, emphasizing connecting through life’s everyday chaos.

In short, you need both elements to make your relationship thrive and gracefully transition from adolescent infatuation to a flourishing long-term partnership. Remember, building a meaningful relationship or surviving marriage is a team sport. You either win together or lose—though let’s aim for more wins and less losing!

Two marriage researchers, Dr. David Olson and Dr. Peter Larson, have uncovered ten golden keys to enhance communication and boost relationship intimacy. So let’s jump in and Ignite Your Passion: 10 Ways to Boost Intimacy.

10 Ways to Boost Intimacy

1. Give Your Full Attention

When your partner is talking, put down the phone, close the laptop, and turn off the TV. They need your attention more than TikTok needs your scroll, so dial it in!

2. Spot the Good Stuff

Let’s be honest—everyone likes a compliment. Make it a game to catch your partner doing something well. The more you shine a light on their good qualities, the less likely they’ll stumble over your expectations. Like magic, people tend to rise to our expectations, so let’s make those expectations sparkle!

3. Be Assertive, Not A Bully

It’s all about the delivery, folks. Use “I” statements instead of finger-pointing “you” statements. Next time you’re worried about your partner being late, say, “I worry when I don’t hear from you” instead of “You’re always late!” One sounds like a fair concern, and the other sounds like an interrogation.

4. Avoid the Critique Trap

Criticism can be a relationship’s kryptonite. A wise man named William Arthur Ward once said, “Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you.” So, mix it between two compliments instead of tearing them down with criticism. This concept is known as the “sandwich method” (and it’s way tastier than it sounds!). “Hey, I love your cooking; it’s fantastic! But if you could clean up afterward, that would be awesome. Thanks for dinner!”

5. Listen to Understand, Not to Judge

You’ve got two ears and one mouth—use them wisely! Go into conversation mode to understand, not just to have your rebuttal ready for an Olympic-level debate.

6. Active Listening

This isn’t just a ploy! Try summarizing what your partner just said before sharing your thoughts. This shows you’re on the same page and not just mentally scrolling through your to-do list.

7. Skip the Blame Game

Instead of flinging blame like a game of hot potato, work together for a solution. A unique energy comes when you both take responsibility and start brainstorming together.

8. Manage Your Conflict

Stay tuned for my next post, outlining the ten steps to resolving conflict like a pro. I promise it’ll be riveting!

9. Get the Help if you Need it

Don’t hesitate to seek counseling if you’re stuck in a communication rut. Join a marriage class, peruse a relationship book, or get guidance from your favorite faith leader—whatever it takes to recharge those communication batteries!

10. Hit the Pause Button

Sometimes, catch your breath, slow down! A nice dinner date or a weekend getaway can do wonders for the stress that tends to build up in a marriage.

I challenge you to re-read “Ignite Your Passion: 10 Ways to Boost Intimacy” and discover valuable insights for enhancing your relationship! Don’t keep this to yourself – share this article with friends and leave your thoughts in the comments below!

Effective communication is key to enhancing your physical intimacy. When both partners feel genuinely understood, it creates a warm connection that fosters your desired closeness!

Ancient Wisdom

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

If you need some help or want to talk about how I might help you out, feel free to send me an email at john@covertmercy.com